motions drippin' through my pores onto the key board...

Eng 110C ASSIGNMENT #2

2012-02-02T20:23:00.000-08:00

Needs Analysis

As far as the observation and paper, I don't really have any questions. I've done an observation before at Sac State's ELI center and I believe this would be an excellent place to do another observation. ELI is based on preparing students to have a feasible knowledge of the English language as well as prepare them to use it in an academic setting. Students are from various countries, so the population is diverse. Next week, I plan on contacting the ELI center on how to acquire a time to come and observe a course. After my last classroom evaluation, I was really encouraged to continue to pursue a career in teaching ESL. I have no doubts this project will be encouraging, as well.

Eng 110C ASSIGNMENT #1

2012-01-29T21:48:00.000-08:00

Conditions for Optimal Language Learning Environments

When I think about these conditions, I think back to when I was learning Spanish in high school, and even my experience afterwards. Although I took 4 years of Spanish in high school and I knew quite a bit about the language, I feel my advancement came from my job. I was working at a grocery store, at customer service, and I had the opportunity to exercise my second language in this environment. At first, it was very difficult for me to understand a customer who only spoke Spanish; I would ask the customer to repeat what they just said and repeat it slower multiple times before I understood to what they were referring. This reminds me of the first condition, “Learners have opportunities to interact and negotiate meaning.” Between each customer and me, we were able to negotiate and come to a basic understanding. Along with condition 1, condition 2 and 3 are also relevant to my situation. Condition 2 speaks of an authentic audience in “purposeful interaction” and condition 3 speaks of “authentic tasks.” Often times I was the only one at the store who knew any Spanish, I’d be called upon to assist the customers. Not only was it my job to assist them (this being the authentic task of condition 3), it was also a situation that presented an authentic audience (that of condition 2). Eventually, my knowledge of the language grew because I was able to do this quite often at my workplace.

I believe with the technology available to us today, we would definitely be able to support a majority of these conditions. From blogs or chat rooms, where written forms of the second language could be exercised, to technologies like Skype, where you could actually talk with someone of either authentic audience or another student trying to learn the same language. These two tools alone would be able to support all three conditions spoken of in the above paragraph (conditions 1-3). These would provide opportunities as well as authentic tasks and audiences. Perhaps more in areas where the written forms could be evaluated, conditions 5 could be employed. Teachers would be able to analyze a student’s writing and give feedback on their written work. However, there are always two sides two to everything. The sub-optimal learning environment involving technology outside of a classroom, would be lack of control. A teacher couldn’t control how much time or effort a student put into their work on a blog or in a chat room, or even Skyping. All in all, even with that lack of control, technology, especially today, has more advantages than disadvantages and can be a powerful tool in the classroom.

ENG 110C Spring 2012 First Blog!

2012-01-29T21:07:00.000-08:00

Dear classmates,

Welcome to my very own blog. I've had this blog for a few years now. This particular blog site was fairly easy to learn to navigate through. I believe that teaching students to use this blog wouldn't be difficult at all because it's self explanatory. Also, it's Google, which is extremely user friendly.

I haven't written in my blog for a while, but you're free to explore it should you choose. Here's to a great semester!

Tara

Mouth and Heart

2011-06-22T07:53:00.000-07:00

The same call to follow Christ is also the same call to run and tell the world of His grace. It's one in the same. Throughout the Gospels we see that Christ is adamant and compassion-compelled to save a dying world and urges us to be imitators of Him. Of course, this can be done in many ways; get on a plane to India and set up a ministry, support a missionary, stuff like that. And just how grand those deeds are too!

But sometimes I feel like being a missionary is like making a professional sports team. I don't have the skills or funds to do those kinds of things. I'm just stuck here at home, going to school, and working my part time job. It's taken me a long time to learn that fulfilling the Great Commission to go and tell can be done right here where I stand, right there where you stand. You don't have to be a missionary to tell the world about Christ. You can be a courtesy clerk, a state worker, a student, you can be you and right there live out your faith by your actions. That's pretty intense! And it makes me exam my actions like maybe doing this or saying those kinds of things aren't the best testimony to my Holy God. Psalm 141:3-4 is the cry of a man who is surrounded by people who wish his worse, yet this man is asking that God guard his mouth and protect his heart from evil that when he is presented in front of his enemies, he may be a testimony to a God crushes evil and holds up the righteous. Of course, I'm not talking about crushing evil people, but I am talking about guarding my mouth and my heart that I may glorify my God with my actions and words. Christians need to be so severe in this aspect, especially here in America where so many people have been burned by hypocrites. Let me take this step today that my life may be a faithful testimony to Him who saves me from myself.

"Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips! Do not let my heart incline to any evil, to busy myself with wicked deeds in company with men who work iniquity, and let me not eat of their delicacies." Psalm 141:3-4

The Steps I Take

2011-06-01T09:05:00.000-07:00

My higher education journey has been slightly more than interesting since the start. Attended a university for a year and a half, took off a year and a half to do my thing in the Reserves, go back to school at a snails pace, got denied entry from Sac State two years in a row, and finally got in all by the grace of the Lord (literally though). One semester down and 3ish to go, I'm pumped. Now, if only my job situation would just remain consistent, I'd be able to hammer out a degree in no time flat. If only...

A time or too last semester I was faced with my constant being at a state of compromise, it of course worked out in lieu of a few breakdowns and such, and God is sovereign, as usual. Of course, I stand at that precipice again for the billionth time facing the possibility of barely getting by funding-wise. My first reaction longs to be to scream "ARE YOU KIDDING?!" or something of that sort, to call a friend and whine to them, and to stress out. Which do you want me to do God? Go to school? Well, if you'd like that to happen then I need a constant job, ok? My flesh longs to react this way. Because in reality,in my own mind, I have only two options: 1) Work part time and finish school or 2) Work full time and never finish school. This would definitely be my first reaction a year ago, and perhaps six months ago.

But a second and more powerful instinct has kicked in, saying, "Hey there, your daily bread is all you need." Isn't that why the Christ has told us not to worry, because He knows that God will take care of things? Yeah, for sure it is. But do I really want to trust that now? When I have the option of taking care of it myself, taking it in my own hands and handling it? I think that this time I do. I deeply desire to step back and let go. I've let go of a lot of things in my life, why not this? Not to be confused with giving up, but letting go control and giving it up to the one who has the reigns in the first place.

My flesh desires to take action now and freak out and do all of the sort. It's what I've been doing my whole life, though that hasn't always yielded the best results. But this time, I've chosen to let my spirit be soothed by the Holy Ghost, who was always there and is always there and will always be there, and He is reminding me that my future was never in my hands and never will be. The Word says to keep in step with the Spirit. It has taken me years to learn to do this and still isn't my first or second instinct, though I desire it to be. So keeping in step today, at this moment, let my daily bread be all I need, whilst I put my trust in my Father, and my Father takes care of the rest.

Easter Eggs

2011-04-04T23:13:00.000-07:00

I work with kids who have autism and one of my kids goes to a christian preschool. Today the teacher was speaking to the class about Easter. She asked the kids why Easter was so important. One kid shot his hand in the air, "Because we get candy and presents from the Easter bunny!" Cringe. The teacher tried another willing child, "We get chocolate and hunt for eggs!" Not quite, she said.

She called upon a few more kids in hopes to get a better answer. While doing this she was drawing a cross on the white board. As for myself, I was desperate to hear a kid give the write answer. This was a christian school after all! These kids have to know at least the basics, right?

When she got through a few more ridiculous answers and finished writing Jesus on the white board, she asked what her drawing was. The kids answered "The Cross." And who died on the cross? she asked. Jesus! Right, so why is Easter important? she probed again. Nothing. The kids didn't get it and my heart was freaking broke. What are these parents doing if they can't even teach their kids about the basics of Easter? What is that school doing?

Easter is not about chocolate and easter eggs. It's about an impossible being made possible because of the love and justice of God coming to rest on his creation. Jesus died for you and me so we could know our Creator. So that we no longer needed to run the exhausting race of being good on our own and trying to fulfill that hole in our hearts that is insatiable unless filled with Christ. That's what these kids to know. And it breaks my heart that they didn't today. It's official: I disdain the Hallmark version of Easter. It's pathetic. May christians have the boldness to tell of the true meaning of Easter.

5 Reasons Why...

2011-02-07T08:19:00.000-08:00

This week is going be AMAZING!

1) I'm alive.
2) My Father, the Creator of this earth loves me!!!! Where my earthly father fails, my heavenly Father never has and never will.
3) I get to go to school and learn my brain right!
4) I have a job!
5) It's going to rain Saturday, which means snow, snow SNOWWWWWWWWWWW :)

Surely, there are plenty of other reasons why this week is going to be superb, but I went with these. Hope your Monday is more than you'd ever expect!!!!

Your Picture, My Heart

2011-01-27T07:17:00.000-08:00

I thought I had this one down pat. In the bag. But, I guess I need to check myself.

When I saw your picture last night, my heart skipped a second and I had to catch myself. Maybe I'm not over it or maybe I'm more attached than I thought I was? Whatever the reason, it was a slight reality check and it's making me rethink a bit the way I'm going all about this...

PUMPED

2011-01-25T06:46:00.001-08:00

Ok guys, don't make fun please. I've been going to school since August of 2004... mind you that I took a year and a half off of school, and there were a few semesters I took like 1 or 2 classes at a time. But now?! As of today! I have an Associates degree in Business!! And today, I am back at Sac State with an entirely different major (English, baby) but I'm not ashamed. I'm not trippin' that I'll probably closer to 27 when I finally get my Bachelors and even closer to 30 when I get my Masters. But, no one is counting, right? I'm not... :)

Anyways, what I was originally going to say was this: I AM SO FREAKING PUMPED ABOUT GOING TO SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh yeah, I needed that many exclamation points to get that across. Now excuse me while I ready my back pack and sack lunch, I've got some learning to do!!!

Our Father...

2011-01-23T21:28:00.000-08:00

Ah, first blog of the year...

I have probably like 2 main goals this year: 1) Pray more. 2) Get straight A's. Yeah, one is more lofty than the other, but I think they are both extremely obtainable is I push myself a little bit. Of course, my pastor at bible study today (and last week as well) was on prayer. We're in Matthew 6 (v9-15), you know, the Lord's prayer? Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name (I have the KJV version memorized, thank you Catholic church). He hit pretty hard today on the first two words "Our Father". How prayer was about intimacy with God, the creator of our universe, our strong tower and protection (Ps 18:1-3) How when we pray, we should pray to God the Father, because he is in fact, our Father the provider (Luke 11:11).

Yeah, yeah, I've heard that before, I thought for a slight second, then I realized, I have had no idea, no firm example of this fatherly provider type. (Disclaimer: this is not a bashing session on my father, I love the guy so much and he has changed immensely. We all fall short of the glory of God)

My father, when I was very young, was immature. He did not provide for my mother, nor did he provide for me. Eventually, he did pay child support. And while my father and I are on great terms and speak often, he is still a distant figure in my life who pops in every now and again.

Now, if this bible verse had said, "Our Mommy, who art in heaven," I think I'd have a whole different grasp on this thing. I'd immediately know what the verse was talking about and could relate. My mother is the opposite of my father. Provider, protector, love-giver, etc. But this verse doesn't speak about moms. I love my earthly father with all my heart, but unfortunately, his lack of example in my life has caused a strain in my understanding of God as my father.

But, you see, today I realized something extremely important. I cannot describe the massive desire I have to know what it's like to have a proper father daughter relationship, especially to have had that when I was younger. Of course, being realistic, I know I'll never have that with him. However, my God, the one who knit me in my mother's womb, he so yearns to have that type of relationship with me. WOW.

Our Father...

That was a most intense thought today while I was listening to my pastor. No, I cannot relate to what it's like to have a father, but I CAN have that relationship with God. My earthly father failed (we ALL FAIL) but my God, my Abba, my Papa, he never does! He's always there! Always providing (if we let him). He will never leave me nor forsake me! He's got my back! He loves me so much he died for me! Then, he pursues me and yearns for me to just let him take the wheel and give up control over my life so he can provide for me in ways that go far beyond monetary and even further beyond my comprehension. WOW.

While this idea won't come easy for me and I may resist a little bit, I feel so freaking excited about it! How much more intimate can you get? My God. My Father.

Christmas

2010-12-09T14:25:00.000-08:00

Just a little bored so I thought I'd right a bit.....

It's my pure observation that this season, is probably the worst christmas in America's history. I'll tell you why: BECAUSE AMERICA FORGOT CHRIST! Seriously though. I don't know if it's on purpose or just a lack of Christians preaching that gospel but it freaking breaks my heart. Does anyone else feel this way? Huh....

30 Days of Forgiveness

2010-10-10T22:10:00.000-07:00

Well, since we're on the subject, I thought I'd write out some more. You're welcome.

It's funny how the Lord works, it really is. And not funny, haha, that was a great joke. More like a funny that's interesting, perplexing. After the little epiphany He gave me last night, my pastor (of course) preached about.........forgiveness. WHO KNEW. Anyway, that's what he spoke about and I was pierced through the heart. Obviously, this is the next step I need to take and if I don't take it I'll become some bitter idiot or something (of which I feel I'm becoming). So, an interesting concept was presented to me today by a friend; for the next 30 days I will deliberately forgive and let go control over the situation. Every day. For 30 days. We shall see how it goes. I don't have any doubts that by the time that's over I will, in fact, have forgiven in full. I may document progress and feelings here, or I may not. But, I will let you know how it goes!

Forgive. I. You.

2010-10-10T00:47:00.000-07:00

Yes, yes I know I've been slightly...well...not the happiest person on this thing lately. Forgive me, but writing is an outlet and as you can see has been a reflection of what's going on on the inside right now.

I've been desperately searching for any reason as to why I have been holding on to all this hurt (administered by a certain person). You see, this is not like me, not in my character to be hurt and frustrated and angered for so long, especially by one person. I'm normally really good at shaking the dust of and carrying on, but not now. Not with this. So why then? Why have I held on so long to this?

I rolled up to my friend's house and I saw your car. I've been doing pretty good lately with the whole not being angry thing but that's because I haven't seen you. But when I saw your car, I was pissed. But I went in anyways and shrugged it off because I wanted to have fun with my friends. When I left though, it was a different story. Every breath you take while I'm in the same building as you kind of feels like a stab to the heart repeatedly. And it's become irritating because now I'm letting something which, I am very certain you are unaware of, put me in such a state as this. Yes, I know the rule "Forgive as he forgave you." Trust me, it nags me at the back of my mind constantly. God has forgive my great sins against him, why can't I forgive you, then?

For so long, I fought so hard for you. I gave you a huge part of me, opened up when you asked, and came to your side every time you beckoned. I even stayed away when that's what you wanted. It is fair to say I loved you fiercely, as one would love a sister. But then you closed me off and told me to get out of your life. I didn't listen at first but I learned very quickly that no matter how much one loves another that love will never force the other to want to be in their life. So, I gave up, just like you asked me to. We haven't really talked in months and I cannot remember the last time you cared to ask about my life.

But I have become so bitter towards you lately. Why, though? That's what I pondered tonight. Why? And it dawned on me...that's the only way I can still hang on to you. It's like I'm holding onto pieces, fragments of something that has already been destroyed beyond repair. You hurt me so bad, I think it's going to take me a while to trust anyone else. So much, that I am afraid of getting close with anyone else, for the probability that if I do, it'll just turn into another situation like this. However, I cannot deny the truth that I am so pathetically trying to keep you in my life by not forgiving you.

So, tonight, with a heart that's very heavy and at the call of my God, I have decided to truly forgive you. It is not easy, and I don't really even want to say it, but I forgive you. I forgive you for treating me like you never knew me. I forgive you for ignoring me. I forgive you for not caring about me. I forgive you for all those times you threatened me with our friendship and then a few days later acted like nothing ever happened. I forgive you for prying yourself in then ripping yourself out. I forgive you of your selfishness. I promise to keep forgiving you until you don't feel like a kick in the teeth or punch to the gut; and until I can enter a room, which you're in, and not have bitter feelings; and until I can pray for you and not be angry at you. No matter how many times a day, hour, minute, or second I have to do it, I will continue not just for my sake, but because that's what he did for me. I. Forgive. You.

Indian Giver

2010-09-23T21:31:00.000-07:00

Give it back,
All that I gave to you.
Give back the secrets,
The things which not many know about,
But you do.
You pried yourself in,
And now you've ripped yourself out.
Those things, I do no want you to know about me,
Not anymore.
Especially when you keep such a distance,
That I feel like the plague.
Especially when you treat me
So cold, like these things you do not know.
So, if you have any heart left,
Give me back what's mine,
Since you no longer have any use for it.
Give it back.

Prophets and Saints

2010-09-12T22:29:00.000-07:00

Is it ever fair to say
That I didn't think it would go down this way?
That you'd end up treating me
So cold and uncompassionately?
Or perhaps I should have known,
And kept all to myself and alone.

But I am not a prophet
And you are not a saint,
We could never start out
On a clean slate.
You chose your path,
and I chose mine,
This was all meant to unravel,
It was only a matter of time.

I Often Wondered

2010-08-29T21:33:00.000-07:00

I often wondered what this moment would feel like, long expected and awaited. It feels something like what I had guessed and a little something what I did not anticipate. This ripping out what I love and handing back to you. This tearing out my plans and giving them back to you.

Don't think I did it with confidence, either, though I should have. No, I am no just hero awaiting applause. My hands were shaking the entire way and my eyes filled with tears as I finally gave to you what you'd been asking for all along.

Yes, there is hope still, for I know that the plans I make, aren't yours. Though, in the moment I lack the memory that you have my best intentions in your will.

So, the moment comes and now it is here, and I am ready....ready for whatever you wish to occur.

What I feared....

2010-06-27T21:19:00.000-07:00

Just taking a stroll through Job...

Currently, I'm in chapter 3 right after Job loses everything and his wife tells him to curse God and die. A few of his homies show up and they morn with Job for seven days. Then, he opens his mouth and curses the day he was born. The very last verses of the chapter hit me slightly hard (verses 25-26) "What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me. I have no peace, no quietness; I have no rest, but only turmoil." I mean, Job was a man the Lord boasted about to Satan, saying he was blameless and upright. This dude loved God and served him the way a child of God should and God knew that. But, I'm starting to think God also knew that Job, while blameless, still had a lesson or two to be learned. Job feared losing those he loved. So do I. Perhaps I am holding on too much to my most sacred tangibles, enough so that this is a way that can cause me to trip and fall along my walk with God. Perhaps Job did too, enough so that he no longer had his peace or rest. I'm not saying it's wrong to cherish your loved ones, but perhaps I cherish them too much that I'm not willing to give them to God?

Journey From Dark to Light

2010-05-21T11:24:00.000-07:00

Darkness whispered to intentive ears,
Embraced because of it's mysteriousness.
Begins to grow like cancer and surround the victim.
Dwelling, contemplating, embracing the darkness,
Slowly becoming swallowed by slithering evil and desires that creep towards shame,
Only option given by the circumstances is to succumb to the depths.
Desperatley needing Freedom to save,
Desperatley wanting loved ones to know,
But shame taunts.
Freedom stay away! This person is not worthy!
Keep loved ones at bay! For they must not be aware of this enslavement!
But Freedom calls the slave to live free.
Completely wrapped up in darkness,
The power of shame disintegrates,
The strength to resist Freedom is fading.
Freedom! This darkness is too heavy to bare.

And then...

The Light shines now and the creeping darkness can no longer be seen.
The Saving one searches for and finds the slave out of the pit.
In the darkness for so long, squinty eyes absorb the light,
And ears which attended to darkness now hear Light's words
Now believe Light's words.
You
Are
Free

1 Thessalonians 5:5
All of you are people who belong to the light, who belong to the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness.

How Much?

2010-05-20T22:16:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder how much pain one will let themselves go through before they turn to their Creator. Like seriously, how much can the human heart take? If there is one thing I have learned (and learned it the hard way), it is that nothing in this life is sound. Money, possessions, people. Even if you want those things or those people to be sound, eventually, they will fail you. And don't forget, how much you've failed them as well. But really, how much am I willing to keep inside and torment my poor little bleeding heart before I finally give it up to God? How much are you willing to take?

He let's us have the chance to get it right but every time we get it wrong. It's in the wrong we find out that only He was right. And that only He is the one who offers true strength and loyalty and a love that never fails.

Felt like reading Psalms today and I really want a faith like David's.

Psalm 62
v1-2
"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation come from him.He alone is my rock and salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken"

Letting Go

2010-05-14T10:27:00.000-07:00

Pulling back,
Each finger that's attached,
Crying out I've got no strength left.
The force that you use,
Leaves me feeling a little less
than abused.
Too tired, I cannot resist anymore.
You've won.
I am letting go.

Missing. Dream.

2010-05-10T22:34:00.000-07:00

I had a dream last night, one of the simplest I've had in a while. I looked you in the eye and told you three words: "I miss you". Your reply was absent but I recognized sympathy and agreement in your eyes with the words I had just spoken. And for a split second, it felt like I could breathe again.

Then I woke up.

I'll make an extreme effort not to assume anything out of the fiction I dreamt because this is in fact reality, cold and harsh. Digging my hands in my pockets I'll take a deep, deep breath of fresh air and bitter sweet reality because last night was, after all, just a dream.

Dark, Light

2010-04-18T21:11:00.000-07:00

"Let it get dark, so you'll see the stars"--Jars of Clay

Just a slight reminder to take our circumstances we're in, and know that no matter how dark it gets, there's still light. Need to make an effort to remove my selfishness out of my life, it's not all about me.

Masochistic

2010-04-12T21:52:00.000-07:00

These scars are from before

Of the many battles I lost in this war.

The many battles of this war.

My soul is left not

Undisturbed from each struggle fought.

I trudge on, never keeping score

‘Cause my calloused heart will yet endure more.

Nor will I remember how unfair you fight

Knowing I’ll face this havoc with my full might,

Marching on in a war that I’ll never win.

Marching on, marching on, marching on.

Of LIfe

2010-03-15T23:32:00.000-07:00

Inhale, exhale.

It is the one of the few common things all human beings possess: breath. This technique, this thing, we do it so often we forget about the immanent significance of it. A breath says we have life, a breath says we are living no matter how hard or how simple life is at that time. A breath says another moment we have to live. For, lack of breath means lack of life.

Inhale, exhale.

When I was younger, there was nothing I loved listening to more than my father's breathing. It was so rhythmatic, so strong. And with each one I'd listen to, it was proof my father was still alive, here with me.

Inhale, exhale.

It didn't occur to me until recently that listening to someone breathe is still one of the most majestic and powerful things I could possibly listen to. You see, I listen to myself breathe all day long, I can hardly recognize it anymore. But listening to someone else breathe? Ah, yes, now that is something that I cannot deny or ignore.

Inhale, exhale.

I think for a while I was trying to breathe harder and louder than anyone else, but no matter how hard I tried, another's breathing still sounded off louder than mine. Breathing is God's careful symphony between oxygen and carbon dioxide and it's His proof that this life isn't about me. For as long as there is someone else breathing, I am not the center of attention. It isn't about me anymore, nor was it ever.

Inhale, exhale.

The Problem With Society...or...Just Me

2010-03-12T09:56:00.000-08:00

I don't know. Maybe I'm just getting closer to where I should be with my creator. But as of late, I've developed a problem with technology...or...facebook. I've written about this before, but for a while now I've felt like it's eaten up my soul, from the computer out. So? To correct this problem I've changed my password to my account, I know the first half of my password, and a friend knows the second half. This was a week ago. So, a week of not getting on facebook....yeah...

Listen, it hasn't been easy. I've had withdraws. I still think about clever things that could be status updates. Well, I mean, to be cool you have to have cool status updates right? Anyways, I thought less and less of my status updates and found that I have a lot more time! Well, not like 2 hours more time, but I'm less consumed with the idea of who's doing what, what's this and that, and who's status says what. Of course, I got to friggin' addicted to this stupid website. But, I'm slowly learning I don't need it. HOW SAD. I'm just now learning I DON'T need a website to communicate with friends who are a phone call away. Yeah, I guess I'm becoming a traditionalist in a futuristic society but I like it. Because I've been off facebook, I've been able to play my guitar every night. Something I haven't done in forever.

One last thing, I'm not blaming facebook for my time problems. Nope, it's just a website, right? I'm blaming myself for being addicted to the damn thing. So, I'm choosing to be a little extreme so I don't have that problem again.

How about you? Can you go a week without facebook? I dare you....

My Testimony (The Real One) p. 2

2010-02-08T22:34:00.000-08:00

My parent’s relationship was doomed at the start. My mother was 15, my father 17 and almost 18. My mother hated her own parent’s house, so she moved out at 16 and in with my dad. I guess their relationship was okay at the start, but at some point, it turned bad. And when I say it turned bad, I mean my father beat my mother and normally did it when drinking or sometimes doing drugs. This persisted through an abortion and then my birth. My earliest memory I have is of my mom running to her car carrying me, while my father was throwing things at her. When I was about two years, my mother left my father.

Shortly thereafter, my mom gave birth to my sister Samira, who was my father’s child as well. However, my father never acknowledged her and everyone just played it off like she was some other guy’s kid. Until about seven years ago, I never knew Samira was my father’s child. The whole time it was played off like she really was that other guy’s kid.

I was about three and at that time my father didn’t believe in paying child support for myself, let alone his other kid. Because of this, we struggled something awful. Many times the food we had was only enough to feed Samira and me and my mom would go without food for a while. But I hardly ever remember that time. What I do remember is watching Sammie sleep in her crib and when she woke up I was there. I remember loving her smile, it was so beautiful. In fact, it’s one of the only memories I have of her along with her blue eyes. She had the bluest eyes I would often lose myself in. One day my mom asked me to grab some baby formula and as I was walking back with it, I dropped it on my toe. I was bawling and my sister was just sitting there laughing at me. God only knows how much I loved that little girl.

While my mom worked, Sammie and I would stay at the baby sitters. I don’t remember her much except she was just weird. About a month after Samira’s first birthday, probably the worst day of my life occurred. Samira and I were eating lunch at the babysitter’s house. Sammie was a stubborn little kid and sometimes she didn’t want to eat when she was around the babysitter. Well this specific day, the babysitter was pretty pissed at Sammie, so she hit her a few times while I was watching, and knocked Sammie over from her high chair. I guess I was freaking out so the babysitter put my down for my nap. When I woke up, I went to the bathroom and saw Sammie in the tub with the babysitter. The babysitter told me she was throwing up (from the fall) so she was giving her a bath. The sitter sent me back to bed and I fell asleep. Not twenty minutes later I awoke to chaos. Running out to the living room I saw paramedics taking Sammie out of the apartment and I turned and asked the sitter what had happened. The babysitter had gone to get a towel and left Samira in the tub. While she was gone, Sammie stood up while in the tub and slipped and hit her head. I don’t remember but somehow someone took me to the hospital. We met up with my mother, who was in tears, and I think my aunt was there. It turned out Samira’s fall in the tub caused her to be brain dead. Sammie was now on life support. Later that day my mom decided to say goodbye to my sister and pull the plug. My last memory of Sammie is seeing her in the hospital.
I would later have to testify in court against the babysitter because I was the only witness. The defense lawyer, taking advantage of the fact that I was only four, ended up confusing me and my testimony so the babysitter was only sentenced five years in prison. The only other memory I have of Samira is my father driving me away from the funeral. I guess they didn’t want me to go to it.

I don’t remember much of anything else that happened for the next two or three years or so. I guess your brain protects you that way. But it was probably God. What I do remember is being told Sammie was “with God” (whoever that was) and making myself be strong and be a “big girl” for my mommy, which I was pretty good at I guess. It was nothing that was told to me, just instinct. Your mom is in pain, so be the strong one. Try to make her laugh. Do something. Now that I think about it, that has been a huge motto in my life. A survival instinct learned from that tragic experience.

Although she's been gone for almost twenty years, I can still remember her like it was yesterday. Her laugh, her smile, her beautiful eyes and soft skin. She's never left me, not one minute. I do my best to remember her everyday. Samira is apart of me, and always will be.

My Testimony (The Real One) p. 1

2010-02-05T23:57:00.000-08:00

What is a testimony, anyway? Everyone good Christian has one, right? It’s a story, really, based on true events in that person’s life, and how they came to know Jesus Christ.

Well, I hate telling my testimony, I really do. Doesn’t matter the venue: church leadership retreats, small groups, a group of friends. It’s like pulling teeth for me. For the longest time it just felt like the dullest thing ever. I was lonely. I found out about who this Jesus guy was. I believed in him. Now here I am. No drugs, no shootouts, no depression, no addictions, no drama, no abuse, just me. Not that exciting really. I guess you could say I’m not really into sharing the deepest emotions I experience. Some of my closest friends hardly see that. Would it be cliché to say, “it’s not you, it’s me”? Because that’s the truth. I’m super good at surface though, but please don’t take offense. Most people only ever experience my surface. Few people I let get beyond the surface, and a select few know everything.

I often wonder where to start, then, in my testimony…should I start with my parent’s rancid relationship? My father’s alcoholic tendencies or my sister’s death? Or should I start with the sad story of only having enough food in the house for me and my sister to eat, while my mom skipped out, for a time in my childhood? I could skip over all that, which I usually do. I could go into some detail of my last relationship (which was in high school) and how unhealthy it was for he and I to be together and those two years we were together were crazy. That when we broke up I didn’t know who I was as a person. Or I could just give the version that people normally hear: I had just broken up with my boyfriend of two years. I didn’t know who I was anymore, I was kind of lost. A friend of mine let me borrow a book called Left Behind, and when the main character accepted Christ, I figured I should too. See? Just three sentences to describe an anticlimactic event that no one cares about, only to keep you a little further than arms length and wouldn’t even leave you with a furrow in your brow.

I realize this could sound like a pity party, and it probably does. But I’m doing what I hardly do and I’m being real. Real with you, and real with myself. And so since we’re on this topic of “realness”, I’ll go ahead and let you into my world for a second. I’ll give you a glance of how I was created, what I experienced, and how it made me who I am today. While I’m at it, I’ll tie in my Savior, too.

Inspired by a Public Enemy

2010-02-04T22:05:00.000-08:00

I'm a bit inspired tonight, so I think I'll skip hulu and write a bit....that almost rhymes...

Went with a few friends to go see Chuck D. from Public Enemy speak at Sac State tonight. It was interesting, for a change. I mean, interesting in that I didn't spend tonight couped up watching television like a rotten vegetable on the couch. Which I hardly do anyways, but I mean seriously, how much time do I have to spend doing things like Facebook or watching TV? I don't need to spend that much time with those things when I could choose enlightening things like reading a book or playing my guitar or...just writing. I used to do a lot of those things before internet. That was just a side note. Anyways, these are some of the things Chuck spoke about tonight. Luckily, I had my trusty-dusty iPhone to write down a few good one liners of his.

He spoke about how we should be on top of technology, and not technology on top of us. How we should make sure we are working towards the betterment of the people around us. How we should not be "praising the machine and stepping over the human being." How often do we allow all these things to happen? And how the heck did we get this way?!

Yeah, I don't know. I've allowed myself to be wrapped up in technology so bad! Even allowed it to define some of my relationships. Shoot! I used to text soooooooo much! I used to be on Facebook soooo much! THey are so friggin' addicting! I've kinda stopped all that. I still text, yes, but I do it half as much now. Still not good enough.

I don't know what the whole point of this is so don't go thinking I gots one, cuz I probably don't. It was just nice to hear these things. I mean, you think I'd hear them in church, right? Or, I'd get these things through the bible. But I don't. Why? Well, it's not the church's nor the bible's fault, it's mine. I IGNORE THEM. So, why do I have to go to hear some random dude speak to finally get these things???

I'll close with a few one liners from Chuck D. I'm really glad I went tonight. I needed a wake up call. Capitalism, materialism, they are like drugs to Americans. I will admit I was addicted. That's the first part of the process, right?

"The idiot center of the world is Hollywood."

"We live in a country ran by greed."

"Celebrity is the drug of America. Don't get addicted."

Facebook, Phone, Life

2010-01-04T23:03:00.000-08:00

Ever wonder what this life is about? Like, this untimely desire to constantly check my facebook or my phone like perhaps someone might constantly want to talk to me? Or maybe this desire to keep going and going and never slow down?

Is life really about notifications on facebook and new texts and how much money is in that friggin' account anyway?

I am determined to make sure that this year, I will not be glued to this computer, nor will I be bound to my phone or wallet. This year I want it to be different.

New Beginnings

2009-12-14T08:41:00.000-08:00

Last week was my last day working at my job. I've been there for just about 2 and a half years, the second longest I've ever been at a job. As I was walking to my car, I couldn't help feeling a bit nervous...I mean, me quitting my job (to go to another, obviously) in this depression we're in? Doesn't make sense. But lately, I've been feeling pulled to get a new job, and it's apparent this job is the one I'm supposed to get, so why am I feeling apprehensive? Couldn't tell ya...but here's to a new beginning...

I Am...

2009-11-12T10:21:00.000-08:00

I Am…

Not my status updates,
Nor my friend’s status updates,
I am not Facebook.

Not how many calls I get in one day
Nor many texts I get in one day
I am not my Phone.

Not the shows I watch,
Nor moved by mass media,
I am not my Television.

Not my exams,
Not my research papers nor my grades,
I am not School.

Not those shoes,
Nor those pants,
I am not my Wardrobe.

Not your praise,
Nor your curse,
I am not Expectations.

This is what I am not.

I Am…

Fearfully and wonderfully made,
Chased after by God,
I am a Child of God.

Sins that have been washed away,
Fears that have been conquered,
I am Redeemed.

Disciple-maker,
Love pursuer,
I am His Passions.

Praising Him in the morning,
Praising Him when I don’t want to,
I am a Worshiper.

Working on being content,
And running to finish the race,
I am Endurance.

Loving Him with all my heart, mind and soul,
And loving my neighbors as I love myself,
I am a Believer in Jesus Christ.

This is what I am.

Reach

2009-11-03T13:03:00.000-08:00

Reach, reach, reach!
But I am!
I am reaching!
See this hand?
Trace it down to the fingertips,
It doesn't reach any further.
I wish it did though.
Oh, I wish it did.

I'd pull every muscle in that arm,
Scrape my knuckles,
And break every finger to reach for you,
You know I would.
Does that mean anything to you?
At all?

I'd give you everything you would ask for:
My time
My relationships
My money
My life
Take it. That's what you want isn't it?

Then tell me why I can't feel you?
My arm gets tired reaching this much
But I'll hold it up no matter what.
I won't let it fall, I promise.

Pain may come,
Tears might fill my eyes,
And I may not be able to breathe,
But I won't quit.
I'll reach.
I'll reach.
And I'll reach.

Can't (Sensories)

2009-10-30T22:57:00.000-07:00

I’m trying to remember what it’s like
To have you here by my side
But I can’t.
Your smile has left my memory,
You touch is slowly fading away,
Don’t leave me.
I wish I had the faith to know,
That no matter how far away,
You won’t go.
Go away from this place,
Go away from what I know,
Stay right here.
Reaching out to you, I can’t feel you there
Just a minute ago, you were right here.
Now you’re gone.
I grow weary of this faith thing
Wishing I’d be easier than this,
But I wait.
And I pray. It’s not always sight
It’s not always a feeling inside
It’s knowing you.
Knowing that I may not feel you
But you’ve never left me
Nor will you ever.
Knowing you are still faithful to me
And I am still yours
No matter what.
I am still yours.

Sometimes I get frustrated in my faith. When I first started believing, I could feel God around me constantly, always with me. Now, it's like I'm cotton-mouthed in the driest desert ever. It's been like that for a while...I still feel him now and again but lately, I've learned that we walk by faith and not by sight. I am such a relational person. To be able to see and feel and touch those closest to me means so much to me. Sometimes I wish I could do that with God. However, I know that there are certain ways God can and will touch me and make me see him...sometimes I am just so blind. This past year has been an exceptionally rough year relation wise. I would never trade it in for anything, but it hasn't been easy. I wish I could learn these lessons now and get them over with, but it seems like I'm still in the midst of this period. So, hang on is what I'll do. Keep reading. Keep praying. Keep knowing. I may not feel him. I might not see him. But he has never left my side. That's what this poem is about.

Waiting For The Morning

2009-10-26T23:29:00.000-07:00

Psalm 130

1Out of the depths I have cried to You, O LORD.
2Lord,hear my voice!
Let Your ears be attentive
To the voice of my supplications.
3If You, LORD, should mark iniquities,
O Lord, who could stand?
4But there is forgiveness with You,
That You may be feared.
5I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait,
And in His word do I hope.
6My soul waits for the Lord
More than the watchmen for the morning;
Indeed, more than the watchmen for the morning.
7O Israel, hope in the LORD;
For with the LORD there is loving kindness,
And with Him is abundant redemption.
8And He will redeem Israel
From all his iniquities.

Nothin' like a Psalm to pick you up and put you right with God. Read this Psalm just now and it sure is amazing how powerful and encouraging scripture can be. "My soul waits for the Lord more than the watchmen for the morning; Indeed, more than the watchmen for the morning."

Humble Bumble Bee (James 4)

2009-10-20T21:53:00.000-07:00

When I think about humility, I often think of a song we used to sing at my old church. The guys would sing with a deep, rich, grandpa like voice "humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord!" and the ladies would echo in a high-pitched fashion the same words. Of course my favorite part of that song was the following verse: "And he will lift you up! Higher and higher!" Well, that's a little bit more information than you wanted to know but you got it so be grateful.

I never like reading James because it always hits home. Then again, whoever really thoroughly enjoys hearing and knowing what you need to change. It's like my mom coming into my messy room and saying, "You're room's messy..." and me quickly exclaiming "I KNOW mom!" But just because I knew that my room was messy doesn't mean I actually cleaned it...

I scrolled through James 4 today. The biggest thing that hit me was verse 5: "Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely?" The Holy Spirit, is a jealous fellow! God wants my full attention but I hardly ever submit it to him anymore. The title of the first part of the chapter is "Submit Yourselves to God"...which is also something I haven't done in a bit. I'm having such an amazing time right now learning a few lessons I needed to learn (sarcasm intended) and I haven't been the most "receptive" to learning these lessons. One could say I'm struggling with keeping God in sight while I learn these. For me, it's easier just to toss Him aside and say, "I KNOW God!" and ignore what needs to be changed.

Excited wouldn't be the correct word to describe it but I'll use it anyways; I'm excited to see what kind of person I'll be after these lessons taught by the Teacher of all time. And I take a lot of comfort in His word because at the moment that's about the only thing I can take comfort in.

"Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Com near to God, and he will come near to you." James 4:7-8b.

The Long Fall and the Humanity of It All (James 3, Hebrews 12:4-11, 1 John 1:9)

2009-10-15T09:40:00.001-07:00

I try not to let pride run my life. Pride is a downfall, you know. Sometimes I can’t help it though. I take pride in how “good” of a friend I am. I take pride in some material things I own. And I’m sure there are plenty of other things I take pride in, this is just my first time I’ve purposefully examined myself in this area. I suppose this side does show, those closest to me definitely know about it. I just never saw it as a problem. That was, of course, until a recent event occurred in my life that began to led me to question myself, question my ego.

I understand, through that most recent event, what I did was wrong. I’m not denying that. It’s just the recuperation process of cutting that part out of my life and learning how to be better is where my pride and ego start to come out and ruin my attitude towards that process. Or I guess you can say I carry a bit of shame about what I did and to hide that I let my pride take place and I start to take offense to things like scripture or a word from a friend. That’s not the way to be or the correct attitude to have. Now that I realize that I’m working on it and asking for my heart to be changed so I can be better.

The downfall of this whole Christian thing is that we are still human. I am still human. Though we are saved by grace, our old habits sometimes come to kick us in the behind. Of course, this is not an excuse to sin at all. But this is why Christ is not looking at us now, but at who we will be in him (Mk 1:17, Phil. 1:6, James 1:2-4). The reality check of it all is that we need to be on guard for this, we need to realize this, and we need to neither let shame nor guilt take over our lives so much that we hide even further and further in sin.

After going through the Made for More study last night, all of us in the study had a few revelations. God gives us promises through his word. And he doesn’t forget. They are very beneficial but sometimes, to me, they become just words and I skim over them. But I’m going to try to slow down a bit because I need to hear them....as is written in James chapter 1 “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what is says” (James 1:22). Here are a few promises we read last night:

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” 1 John 1:9

“In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for noble purposes and some for ignoble. If a man cleanses himself of the latter, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work” 2 Timothy 2:20-21

God’s promises will never go void. In fact, He has a perfect tract record to prove it. So why do we doubt his grace and mercy? Why do I ever doubt it? Shame and guilt will kill a man’s soul. Mercy and forgiveness help restore it. I need to remember that. And I need to learn from what I go through. And I need to give him glory for it. And, I need to not let shame and guilt take over this process of growing...it will only stunt me.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” James 1:2-4

Randomness (Doesn't Get Any Better)

2009-08-25T14:53:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I love randomness. It makes my day honestly. And today, well, let's just say it's made!

I was crossing the light at my work. It's a horrible, nasty, satanic crosswalk light, trust me. I wrote a blog about it too! Anyways, I saw that it was green. I'm enjoying the sunshine, and I know that I need to boogy to get across before the cars off 16th run me over. I'm just about to the other side when I hear: "Ma'am, could you pay better attention to the lights please!?!" Um, OK WEIRDO. People yell random things all the time, so I ignored it. But, at the very last second I turn to face my aggressor...and it was a cop....on a bicycle. WHAT? Who does that? Who gets yelled at BY a cop downtown??!??

Me. Oh well. He even mean mugged me!

Whatever.

Miracle

2009-08-05T15:13:00.000-07:00

New one....

Sure I guess I could wait awhile
But it’d do me no good
I guess I could tell you,
what you already know
Oh, I love you

But oh no,
That miracle,
Just ain’t comin’ through

Oh I,
Need to get away from here
Oh I,
Can’t stay any longer
Oh I'm,
So sorry if I hurt you
But I,
Need to go,
Oh I, need to go

Well I guess I’ll get a little lonely,
But it’s the only road to take
And you might long for me
I'll long for you too,
That’s the risk, I’ll have to take
Because you and I 'll never do
We'll never do

But oh no,
that miracle,
Just ain't comin' through
Just ain't comin' through...

Confessions of a Christian Kind P.1

2009-07-31T12:41:00.000-07:00

Can I confess this need?
Would you listen to me?
The need to go, to get away from here.
The need to leave.
The desire to do more than I am doing?
Perhaps it's been enough time.
Maybe I've overstayed my welcome in Jerusalem,
but there's so much more to do.
I've been lazy though I've been prompted
But I don't know where I'm supposed to go.
He calls us to love, but if I love those around me,
Do not even evil people do that?
He calls us to heal, but I focus my attention on those
Already well, what a waste!
I am called to do more. We are called to do more.
Little by little I will let go of my hold
My hold on everything I own
My posessions.
My church.
My family.
My relationships.
My frustrations.
My future.
They were never mine to begin with.
I'm giving them back to the Lord.
It's time to heal the sick
And love my enemies
And walk in the way of the righteous.
Here we go.

Goodnight, Moon

2009-07-23T22:50:00.001-07:00

this is song something and something for week something and something (i'm taking a 2ish week break from the the challenge for other challenging things...)

It's a little strange
To be saying goodbye
We've known each other how long?
But I guess we're done
I've walked by your light
And stumble through your night

But I've heard the rumors,
That the sun is much more brighter,
than you

Goodnight Moon
It was good good to see you
But I gotta get going
It grows closer to the morning
And I can't wait to see
The Sun

Dear Moon,
It's been awhile now.
The sun is so warm,
How could I ask for more?
Oh I can't believe you would lie
You said you were the only light
Now I walk by his rays
Instead of your dark way

But these rumors are so true,
That the sun is much more brighter
Than you

Goodday moon,
It was so good to see you
But you gotta get going
It grows closer to morning
And I can't wait...
to see the Sun

No I
Don't have night vision
Nor the
Skills of great wisdom
To walk these trails by you
But by
his great might,
And his
glorious light
Walking this road
Is so much easier to do...

Goodbye, Moon
It was good to see you
But night is almost done
And I'm on my way!
Can't wait to see the Sun

Matt 15-16

2009-07-08T09:04:00.000-07:00

I love these 2 chapters because they show how much Christ had compassion. Yes, he's this guy who lived 2000 years ago and died for us, but c'mon, doesn't that get a little...distant sometimes? By reading through these chapters today, I am reminded that while Jesus DID live 2000 years ago, he was God then and he still is God now so, he's just the same today, in this moment. He still has immense compassions for his friends, for his sheep. We can see that compassion in the way he deals with the Canaanite woman in chapter 15 and Peter twice in chapter 16. Peter was his bff. Well, all his disciples were his BFF's.

Anyways, Peter is a doofus for most of the gospels. He really doesn't have a clue, but that's because he is a passionate guy. Christ presents Peter with a question we are all asked in our lives. v 15 "But what about you?" he asked. "Who do you say I am?" Who is Jesus to you? Is he that guy who lived 2000 years ago and died for you? Or is he your Lord? Your savior? Your friend? Your shepherd? Because faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see, are we certain who Christ is? I will admit myself that I, TARA, allow myself to become distant from him and forget who he is. But reading these chapters today has reminded me of that. And he no longer seems distant to me. Immanuel. God with us.

12 Songs 12 Weeks: Song #1

2009-07-07T10:28:00.000-07:00

Don't Move

I've seen a million sunrises
I've looked at my world, as it destroyed itself
And I've felt all that I know lose itself
In you

You don't move,
No, you don't move

Our God reigns, from the heavens to the earth
All my enemies, are under his feet
And I will put all of my trust
In you

You don't move,
No, you don't move

Oh I want to
Build this house
On solid ground
So I won't move
That I can
Face this world
And its storms

But I won't move
Cuz I'm in you
No I won't move
If I remain in you...

Matt 13-14

2009-07-07T10:19:00.001-07:00

One of my most favorite passages ever is 14:22-36. It is perfect for us today. Jesus Christ did many great wonders and miracles while he was here on Earth and is STILL doing his thang now. But the coolest part is that he calls us to do just the same as he did! Walking on water? Psht, you can do it too, if you have faith in me! Peter, the rock and father of the church, even HE had doubts, even he messed up. But, he also had faith. Jesus is doing big things and he wants us to join him! It is by his power and for his glory we can do these things too! Utterly amazing, if you ask me.

Okay, to chapter 13. I don't have any specific revelations on it, but if you want to discuss anything, let's go! He does talk about judgement a lot though. I do want to bring up a few points that I want us to keep in mind when reading through this book:

1) Notice how often Jesus retreats to a quiet place to pray. It kind of reminds me of the baptism. He didn't have to, he didn't NEED to, but he showed us how. He constantly went back to the father.

2) Karen brought this up to me a lil while ago: notice how often Matthew will use the Old Testament to validate the Messiah. Jesus was the real thing, buck-o!

Matt 11-12

2009-07-07T10:17:00.000-07:00

Hope ya'll had an AMAZING 4th of July and a super weekend....why is it Monday? I dunno...

Oh yeah, scripture! Ok, I'm finding that each chapter gets more intense, but maybe that's just me.

Kingdom of God

Karen and I have been talking about the Kingdom of God and what it is and what it isn't, etc. Well, just so happens that Jesus did a lot of talking about this too in both these chapters. God is the god of Heaven and Earth. He rules the angels and he rules us crazy humans. With John the Baptist, Christ pointed out in 11:12, "From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it." Jesus' life was to bring the spiritual kingdom to earth. His death crushed Satan's hold on us. However, the Jews of that time were specifically looking for a physical kingdom of God--the Messiah would come and defeat the romans and set up God's kingdom on earth. That's why a majority of them missed out on Jesus while he was here on earth.

Rest

In chapter 11 verses 25-30, we find rest. Which sounds amazing because it's Monday and...that's what I'd like more of, please. At that time, the Pharisees had made up a lot of little rules especially for the Sabbath day. Basically, you couldn't do any work. God didn't do any work on the first sabbath day either, and he commanded his people in the 10 Commandments to do the same. We'll call this a physical rest. But what about a spiritual rest? The Israelites were called to make sacrifices to get to God, and eventually, it became routine. Like they had to "work" to obtain nearness to God. This "work" was so tiring because it was never ending. Day in and day out. Can you imagine trying to keep in step with all the laws that the Jews had to? I'd be exhausted by the first day! Don't wear something of mixed fiber? Psht! Messed that one up. Honor my mother and father? Yeah...I was a teenager once, so... It was work, people! Like working overtime and NOT getting paid. We couldn't keep up with the laws and neither could they. Earlier in chapter 5, Christ teaches he came to FULFILL the law. Thank you Jesus! And because of that, we can now enter into his rest, spiritually. His burden is light and his yoke is easy. The author of Hebrews speaks of this again in Hebrews 4:1-13. Check out that whole chapter but here's a verse from it: "11Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall by following their example of disobedience." Do EVERYTHING we CAN to remember that CHRIST brought us SALVATION and we no longer need to rely on ourselves for it (because we never could obtain it ourselves, anyways). I am in love with that concept of Christ, and every time I hear about it, my brain is reminded of who brought me my salvation.Okay, I realized how long that one was, but these 2 chapters have a lot of good stuff in them (um, every chapter in the bible does...) so if you wanna talk about something else, let's go!

Matt 7-8

2009-07-07T10:15:00.000-07:00

Faith. Intentionality. Intentionality in our faith. Oh, and FAITH one more time...

I'm gonna work backwards and side to side on this one because that's how I received the lesson from today's scripture.

Starting with 8:28-34. Jesus heals 2 guys who are possessed with demons. But here, these 2 demons KNOW who Jesus is. Demons know the Christ? Ugh, yeah! They knew who he was and they FEARED him. Even the demons fear Jesus! What? So if they know him, if they fear him, why don't we? Working backwards to the scripture titled "Faith of the Centurion." (Matt 8:5-13) Jesus is just doing his thing in Capernaum when a random centurion comes up to Jesus and blows him away. After asking Jesus to heal his servant, Jesus easily agrees to do it. But this guy, the centurion, is so confident in his faith in Jesus that he tells Jesus he knows he can heal his servant right where he stands if he just says the word. Wow! Scripture says Christ was astonished at this! The centurion was so firm in his faith, so confident! It reminds me of a scripture in Proverbs that talks about confidence (Prov 3:26) in the Lord, and how, when we acknowledge it AND have it, our footing never gets moved! Check it out.

Next we jump to Matt 8:23-27 where Jesus calms the storm. How many times do I face a storm and start to worry? Start to plead to God, "If you don't save me, I'll die!" or something like that instead of just having faith? Hebrews 11:1 is perfect here! "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Certain of what we do not see. Like the centurion. He was certain Christ was who he said he was and the power he had! EVEN THE DEMONS FEARED CHRIST. I am positive if I remember my history with God and his resume, then I will recall how faithful and steadfast God is in delivering his people! And maybe, just maybe, my faith will remain unshaken when the rest of my world is enduring an earthquake...

Lastly, 7:7-12. Ask, Seek, Knock. "8For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." I think of Esther(5:3) when I think of this. "...What is it Queen Esther? What is your request? Even up to half the kingdom, it will be given you." God wants us to ask for HUGE things! He does! And he wants us to know that he will give them to us if we do. Of course he would never give us a "snake" if we ask for a "fish" or give us a "stone" when we ask for "bread." He is out for our best interest...so...if we ask for something that isn't good for us, he isn't going to give it to us! BUT, he wants us to remain confident, grounded in our faith and to ask! Why shouldn't we ask?

Matthew 5-6

2009-07-03T10:51:00.000-07:00

A few of my friends and I are challenging each other to continue (or start) reading God's word daily. We're reading 2 chapters a day in the New Testament until we finish. Hopefully it'll take us to the end of the year. Join us if you'd like...

After reading today, a few things hit me.

1) 5:17-20 where Jesus talks about fulfilling the law. The law that God originally laid out in Exodus, Numbers, Leviticus, and Deuteronomy, that still applies to us today. Um, what?! Well it does. The only reason, the ONLY WAY we could ever come close to obeying it perfectly is.....Jesus! That's the only way. Thank God he came cuz I'd be screwed....majorly.

2) God's original intention behind the law was to make his people stand out in the world. But, we as humans screw everything up. We're lazy. Jesus wants us to get up out of our dusty holes and do work, son! He wants us to go that extra step...you get hit? Turn that cheek. You have desires to commit a sin? Don't even think about it. Other people are showing off what they are doing "in God's name"? Don't. Live your life like your treasures are in heaven, because they are!

3) Lastly, this was the main thing that got me. When he was going through each topic, he would refer to the Pharisees and how often they would "show off" to those around them how "holy" they are. And every time he referred to those, he said "they have received their reward in full." Those guys, those show offs, they lived to get credit from their peers. They did their thing with ulterior motives. Oh, and they got their reward alright. But that's it. There is no more for them beyond their recognition. How sad. If I, live for this world and the minimal attention I get back from it, that's all I'm gonna get. No more. Hello people! This world sucks! It's lame! Humans made it that way! Why, oh why would I want to only get my reward here, on this downward spiraling earth? Life is so much better when your treasures, your earnings, your retirement, is beyond this place. Why don't I live like that? I got school loans, she might not like me if I do this, I have car payments, what will they think if I do that, I need to start saving for my retirement, I should buy a home, I’m supposed to do this, I should finish school, I should get a Masters, I should get a better job, I should get this, do that, I should get that job my mom wanted me to get, I should...I should...I should... I should not live for this world! Then, right in the next paragraph, Christ compels us not to worry. Do not worry about the basics. Don’t worry about your life! God's got you! He always has! It's the perfect formula. It's the only way to live. Go beyond the norm to glorify God and love your neighbor, your brother, don't be showy, and don't worry. DON’T WORRY. (I needed that…)

Proverbs 23

2009-07-02T12:37:00.000-07:00

So I read through Proverbs 23 last week. For a little bit prior to this, I had been struggling immensely with the idea that if I wasn’t saved, I could totally do that. Or, if I was living a different kind of life, I would totally go ahead and commit that sin. How thin that line is. How easy it is to just give into sin! But, at the same time, I realized how if I WASN’T saved, if I did not have Christ in my heart, then I would have fallen on my face in that temptation. Here’s what I wrote concerning the verses 17-18:

“How many times have I said lately, man, if I wasn’t saved, or if it was a different life, I’d for sure give into those desires? Why do I even need to say this at all? Should I not be thinking this way? Yes, I should say, my God, my God, he has saved me and my desire to follow Him is stronger than any feeling my body could produce. Let me say it a different way. There is no feeling our bodies or minds could produce that would ever, ever compare to the way God makes us feel. Ever.

Abba, I ask for forgiveness in thinking this way. I want to be zealous for you! My thoughts betray me, but you remain steadfast in your love for me! Thank you, Lord!”

This is the first time I have ever gone about a temptation like this. By looking at the long-term, focusing on God, that temptation or sin has a whole different perspective. I kept reminding myself (and still keep reminding myself) that, just for the fear, the honor, the respect, and love I have for my Creator, I do not want to even go there. When I look at it that way, and also acknowledging the work Christ did on the cross, I no longer want to even entertain any lustful ideas. And I thank God for the place from which he picked me up from. Had he not chosen to do that, I could not even fathom what kind of mess I’d be in.

The Next Step

2009-07-02T11:54:00.000-07:00

Since I got back from the New Orleans missions trip in early June, I've really been focusing on staying in God's word twice a day. My relationship with God has changed because, well, I'm actually listening to him...finally...

In New Orleans, we started reading Proverbs together, going with the day of the month and we just went on from there. Proverbs is a spectacular book because if God's trying to teach you something, ANYTHING, you get it multiple times in different ways. But now that June is over and we're in July, I and a few friends decided to read through the whole New Testament. 2 Chapters a day, sucka. That should take us all the way through December. God provides people in our lives to spur us towards love, towards him. Hopefully we can keep doing this...for the rest of our lives...

So, anyways, I think I'm gonna really try to post something daily on the verses I read. Or, at least 5 days a week. I am excited to see what we are gonna learn through doing this. God's word is living and he speaks through it in more ways than we can ever imagine.

Maybe you'd want to join us? We just started yesterday (July 1st) in Matthew and we're reading 2 chapters a day. Who knows...it just might change your life! It's changed mine...

who i want to be in You

2009-06-18T09:28:00.000-07:00

who i want to be in You, is not who i am
who i want to be in You, is so far away from where i stand
yes, you are my Saviour, my King, but i resist and refuse to give You my life
and what i think about should be You... but my mind is stuck on me
my debt, from disgracing GOD grows daily,
it is just to much to bare
yet, i fight You!
Spirit, please speak to me like You did before
i need You, i can't live this show anymore
quench my soul, i am in a desert, reach Your hand out, cuz i am fighting but can't win
i've been so far away, for so long the memories are slowly fading, of who i am in You
slowly sinking down, from what i've surrounded myself in
it came back to me, just then.
Jesus Christ, the Man who paid my debt, came to this earth and chose to die, a horribly painful death.
so that i might get a breathe
to survive.

An Ode To Finals

2009-06-18T09:27:00.000-07:00

While trying to study and get all that information in my head
I decided that I'd like to study my myspace instead.
Rain was pouring, I just couldn't focus
And while my parents were snoring, I realized that school is just bogus.
So I observed my study sheets one last time,
Hoping that all that information would make it into that brain of mine.
My eyes grew tired as the hours passed,
While I began to ponder about the test I needed to pass.

I just can't wait 'til the end of this week,
And maybe, just maybe we all could get a little sleep,
But for now I'll just post this bulletin,
Hoping that an A will appear in the classes I'm in.
And bid thee my class mates the wishes best,
I know you'll do well on those insane tests!

**Wrote this one day when I didn't wanna study for finals...it makes me giggle every time I read it...it's called "Self-entertainment"**

Forgive.As.God.Forgave.You.

2009-06-18T09:25:00.000-07:00

my head hurts and i'm tired of this,
all you people trying to point and mis...
understand me, and everything that's at hand.
i would love to lash out just as you have,
but it isn't God's plan.
we're supposed to love God with all our heart, mind and soul,
but if you treat people this way, i doubt that you know,
that when you're doing this, you gotta love you're neighbor as God loves you,
and forgive them, just like God forgave you....

**I wrote this when I was going through some crap at my old church. It wasn't a fun time in my life at all. But, God has brought me through it and has taught me sooo much since then.**

Rain

2009-06-18T09:24:00.000-07:00

It's been so long since I've seen the sky,

I must admit, as time continues to pass by,

There are so many things I miss but I,

Must walk on in this life.

God willing, one day it won't rain,

And the sun will come out again!

But until then, I'll search my brain,

For what the sky used to look like,

minus the clouds...

moving...

2009-06-18T09:23:00.000-07:00

I'm moving some of my junk off of myspace because I'm gonna delete it here pretty soon. It's been a good run, but I'm tired of it and...well...facebook is my thang. So, if you see some random posts it's cuz they are coming from myspace and most of them will be years and years old. Don't hate. :)

The Push

2009-06-08T20:54:00.000-07:00

He nudges me gently along the way,
It's easier to be pushed now because I'm listening.
Before I used to ignore him, plug my ears at his calling,
Before he would throw me in the sea to get attention,
But you have it now, Lord.
The pain I went through was only because I slipped and fell on my face.
If I was paying attention, my hand would've still been in yours.
But here we stand,
And I can feel you next to me.
Walking in this direction gets easier because
I want to, now.
Don't go away
Because this road would be too much wihtout you.
I guess what I'm trying to say is,
I need you, Abba.

Better

2009-05-18T09:41:00.000-07:00

by Brooke Fraser

Take my shoulder back now
Your head's too heavy for me
Please don't come around here no more
'Cos I asked you to stop
And you wouldn't

I would give anything to make you better
I would give anything to point you to free
I would give anything to help you realise

I loved you 'til it killed me
So my logic wouldn't hurt you
I know you might blame me anyway
Well I'm sorry, I'm so sorry

You're not helping yourself to me

I've tried all the things they told me
Trying to close up the wounds left open by you
And if I seem doubtful, distrusting.....I am
You said you wouldn't do it agin
You said you wouldn't do it again

You're not helping yourself
You're not helping yourself by hurting me

Anything just to try and help you see
You ain't helping yourself by hurting me
Time to let you go, time for you to see
You ain't helping yourself by hurting me

To worship you, I live.....

2009-05-11T07:19:00.001-07:00

Yeah, it might sound like Yoda, but it's a song that's stuck in my head. It really dumbs down the idea of worship. We, as Christians, solely live to worship God. No, I'm not talking about any crazy animal sacrificing or anything like that. Worship is an everyday thing. It's doing his will. It's honoring him with a skill you have. It's done when we feel like it. And the rest of the time it's done when we don't feel like it. I've noticed that for a while I've felt like I needed something wrong in my life to praise God. But that's not always the truth.

Religion creates problems. It's a man made thing. Faith is different from that. Faith is the relationship between you and your creator. Religion is a falsity that comes between you and God. And I've allowed many things to drive that wedge between Him and I. This weekend though, I remembered that's not always the way it should be. We (well, half the college group) led worship at main church this weekend. Oh man it was fun. I think it also brought me closer to God. I often think I need a problem to come to him. Of course he'll help you carry your burden, but for a while now, I've felt like that was the only way to come to him. When I was up there, I remembered that my faith, was my relationship with my creator and that, if I just wanted to praise him for making me and saving me, then I should and I shouldn't let anything hold that back. To praise him just because.

A big monkey was lifted off my back this weekend...that wedge between us was taken out. I hope I'll remember that.

Jars Of Clay

2009-04-23T07:31:00.000-07:00

Yeah, that's right kids. I got their new cd. And let me tell you something, it is a really, REALLY good cd. I've only listened to it a few times since I bought it but I'm in love with the whole cd. Their last CD I purchased, Good Monsters, was okay. The album starts off with a bang and then the rest of it is a dud. So, I'm not going to lie when I mention that I was very hesitant when I picked their latest one up. From start to finish, the Long Fall Back to Earth is a smash. It's got that rock feeling I love, then it slows down and gets real intimate. The Long Fall will easily be one of my favorite cd's this year. Right now, my favorite song is "Safe to Land." I love the first two lines the song begins with, but the whole song, well, makes you think, I guess. Then my second fave is "Don't Stop."

In conclusion, if you like yourself some rock or some indie or some alternative or some easy listening, get your butt on iTunes and buy the cd! You won't regret it at all.

Safe To Land
Getting tired from all this circling
Not much grace left on a broken wing
I feel the wind trying to push me down
It happens every time I get to town

I search for shelter near the mines we swept
I guess forgiveness hasn’t happened yet
There are no words that I can say to you
That turn this careless sky from black to blue
So I’m asking you is it safe? Is it safe to land?
‘Cuz I’m not going far on an empty heart
Is it safe? Is it safe to land? It’s the long fall back to earth is the hardest part

I’m in no weather for apologies
I need your runway lights to burn for me
And if you say that I can come around
I’ll love you right, yea I won’t let you down, I won’t let you down

‘Cuz I’m coming home, if these wheels touch down
I’m coming home I’m waking you up in the middle of the night I’m not giving up
I’m gonna stay ‘til we make it work
We’re not going down even if it gets worse
We’ll work it out. Yeah we’ll work it out.
I need light to guide me in
Oh, Yeah is it safe?

Away

2009-03-26T06:47:00.000-07:00

Away. For so long, everything that's within me has to resist that urge, call, or whatever the heck it is...just to go away. Just to get away. I never really liked traveling before 2005. I mean, I would go to southern Cali to see my pops a lot, but that's all before I went to China in '05. After that trip, I've been going kookoo for traveling and Cocoa Puffs...

For the most part, the sleeping giant just, well, sleeps. But every once in a while I'll start getting that itch again. Not solely just to travel the world, but to live in a different country. Or, to live in different countries. Who knows if I'll ever get the chance to do that, but I want to so bad sometimes it seems like staying here is the insane thing to do...

Oh no...

2009-03-25T07:45:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I'll admit it, I freaking loved the movie Twilight. UGH! Now, I'm gonna read all books in the series. Yes, I think Edward is hot, but not because he's a teenaged vampire, but because of the kinda guy he is. Well, I mean, he is good looking, but his personality amplifies that. I want that kind of man (save the vampire part), who will do anything to protect me and love me unconditionally. Excuse me, now, while I go buy the books on Amazon and wait in anticipation for the next movie. Sheesh...

Spring in the City of Trees

2009-03-23T09:29:00.000-07:00

Oh, Sacramento. You silly little goose! I love this city. I've moved so many times and I've been to many places, but something about Sacramento just always calls me back.

It's marvelous Spring time and my beloved Summer is just around the corner. Spring here drives me nuts! For instance, last week it was beautiful. Sunny, all week until the weekend hit. But, today, it's freaking cold! And I forgot my jacket... oh well. The sun will come out soon and then! I'll be MORE tan than Shannon! Muahahhahaha!

What can I say, a California girl loves her sun, I guess.

What did you just say?!

2009-03-20T14:52:00.001-07:00

You know, I haven't really been blogging about intense stuff lately, does this make me a bad blogger? Or maybe I'm screwing around too much at work, I'm ignoring my blog. I dunno.

But what I do know is that....it's FRIDAY! ANNNND, I have 2 more hours to go until I get 2 days of freedom. Mmmmmhmmm.

IMPORTANT NOTICE TO YOGURT LOVERS EVERYWHERE

2009-03-17T10:42:00.000-07:00

Look, I love yogurt. I'd eat it everyday if it was in my fridge. I especially love all the nice flavors they've been coming out with lately (strawberry banana gets lame after a while). So i was in the store yesterday and picked up some yogurt and decided to try "white chocolate strawbery". I love strawberries, so what the heck.

DO NOT BUY THIS YOGURT. It taste like butter, with some strawberries. What a let down. Happy St. Patties Day :)

While We're Waiting...

2009-03-13T12:30:00.000-07:00

...we could try saving the world. --Brooke Fraser

I love Brooke Fraser. She's an amazing musician. I was listening to that song today ("Save The World") and it totally reminded me of my bible study's memory verse for the week: John 3:16-17. Yeah, everyone and their mom knows that verse like the back of their hand. I get it. But, the second part, verse 17, hit me like a left hook to the head. “16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” Yeah, that’s intense. If you take a look at the context and time Jesus said this, there was a heck of a lot of condemning going on around that time (it happens freaking even today). Religious people, pointing their finger when they should be saving the world THROUGH Christ. Not by our power or might but by God’s will and strength. Wow.

This subject (Christians judging/condemning non-christians) really, really is something that pisses me off. Why does it still happen today?! It’s unacceptable. A lot of the time we get the 16th verse correct, but ignore the next verse.

One of my friends asked me today, “What if we lived everyday like that?” Lived everyday like we were gonna save the world. Huh. What if…

3 AM

2009-03-10T03:54:00.000-07:00

Yeah, it's 3am and you're probably wondering why I'm up and even thinking about writing a blog. No worries, I'll explain. I was supposed to go into work today at Old Navy but decided not to. In fact, I've been thinking of quitting because I really no longer need the job. So, I called in sick because getting up at 3am when you don't need to is....ridiculous. I'll give the "bad news" on Thursday to my boss. This way, I can focus on school and NOT my 3 jobs. Oh, maybe my reasoning isn't that rash at 3am but oh well.

Challenges

2009-02-18T14:49:00.000-08:00

Challenges in life come and go, I've found. One thing about them is that they are always, always here. In fact, a few can hit at the same time. Most of the time, I'm in a reactive state to these challenges because, well, I don't recognize them until they have hit me full on, leaving me with only the change to "react." Once in a blue moon I'll get a heads up that a challenge is on its way. And still, sometimes, I remain in that reactive state. This time, I'm gonna be proactive. Maybe that way, I can learn a little bit more.

I'm ready for this one. I intend to let God strengthen me through it, too.

Like Pulling Teeth

2009-02-09T08:56:00.001-08:00

So, currently, I am blessed to lead a women's small group for our college group ministry. I love it. It has allowed me so many chances in my own life to change just by being with these girls. So far, we've read the book Captivating (if you're a woman, you need to read this), and gone through James and Jonah. Our church has started a church-wide campaign that will begin next week. I've led a few bible studies in my time, but this bible study is killing me. I have tried and tried to grasp something from what they have given us leaders for our bible study to use and I have failed each time. Now I begin to wonder if it is me.

I'm not much for christian "pop" culture. Like, crazy conferences or redundant books or repetitive songs that make Jesus seem like he's a big shining ray of light and every christian smiles every second. Then again, when I grew out of my boy band phase, I was never much into pop anyways. Well, this bible study is "pop" to me. And the requirement that my co-leader (Kristen) and I have to lead this thing is like pulling teeth to me. Ouch.

I know right? There are way too many other things in this world to be upset about than this stupid bible study. Trust me, I'll get over it, I promise. But, like I said earlier, maybe it's me. I want what's best for the girls in my bible study. Kristen and I spend hours on end preparing ahead of time for each Wednesday night. Maybe I'm being too picky? Or perhaps, like I said above, I've got an attitude. I'll admit I'm a proud/stubborn person when it comes to ministry. So bowing down (figuratively speaking) to this church wide bible study was something I don't/didn't really want to do... However, today, I've had a bit of a change of heart. Although that doesn't change the fact that this bible study is still crap, I've decided to approach it differently, knowing that whatever is the outcome of this bible study, God will do great things through it. So, I'm giving it up to him and will let him do his work even when it feels like pulling teeth.

Ok With It

2009-02-02T16:31:00.000-08:00

Dating

Yeah, I know. What a topic. Or rather, what a sore subject. I mean, I haven’t had a freaking date in like…. Ever. Also, I have DATED in….um quite a long time. People ask me why I haven’t dated in over five years. I was wondering the same thing myself. Honestly, who knows. Not that there haven’t been a few guys along the way that have caught my eye and my attention for some while, because their have been. But, I’ve been pondering for some while what the heck it looks like to be a Christian and to date. So, I’m going to do what I always do when this happens: write it out!

For the longest time it killed me to know how long it had been since I’d dated. It really ate away at my insides. It wasn’t until late last year I’d realized that it was really fine for me not to be in a relationship because, well, if I wasn’t in one, it was because God didn’t want me to be in one. Wow. It took me a very, very long time to accept this and then move on with my life. I’d say it’s one of the only areas that I have completely given over to God and accepted that whatever happens is his will and doing and not to fight it. Now, if only I could transfer that over to everything else in my life, I’d be less stressed and more yielding to his will.

The Worst Dream Ever

2009-01-30T11:17:00.001-08:00

Sometimes, I think Satan likes to get at me by my dreams. He's done it hundreds of times, ever since I can remember, back to when I was a kid and before I followed Jesus. Since I was four, I've been gripped with an unrelenting fear of death. Not just afraid that I would die, but that those close to me would. Years ago, I would lay awake at night just fearing the worst. Every so often, that fear comes back.

When I was 3, my little sister, Samira was born. She was a blessing in disguise that I could never have guessed at that age. I adored her with all my heart. A month after her first birthday, she was killed by the woman watching her and me. They prosecuted the babysitter and I was the only witness to the incident. She got 5 years or less in prison, I can't remember now.

It has been 18 and 1/2 years since Samira parted this world. I think about her a lot. I often think about what would she be like, what would I be like? But immediately following her death, that's when my fear of death began to sprout.

Like I was saying previously, Satan uses my dreams to manipulate my fears. Last night, I was dreaming about my little sister, Samira, however, I was the one in jail and convicted of killing her. The whole dream I was trying to convince them I didn't do it, but they wouldn't believe me. It might not be anything to you but it was a horrible experience for me.

I've been asked a few times by people why didn't I stop the babysitter from hurting my sister or something along those lines. Well, I was only 4 years old, what could I have done? So, as you put the pieces together, you can see that this dream basically wasn't the best start to my day.

But you know what? I am a child of the God most high and he protects me over everything, even from my fears and dreams. So, there's no happy ending to this, I just needed to get this off of my chest. Maybe I can have a better day now.

Californ-e-on's? Californi-ay-an's? Californian's? Californian's.

2009-01-09T11:01:00.000-08:00

That was a reference to Anchorman just in case you were off your game right there.

Hi, my name is Tara Shuster and I am a Californian-American. And I have a problem. My legislature and my governor can't quick come to an agreement with each other on the budget. For like, half a year now. Because of this pissing contest, many people are suffering along with billions of dollars being lost. Yeah, we're also running out of cash. But I thought that California was in the top ten largest economies on this planet? Huh.

July 31st I was laid off from my state job because of this issue. I got re-hired in the beginning of December. Today, the governor is supposed to make an announcement on whether or not we are being laid off again. This is a fun limbo game for sure. Rumors have been going around that there are no lay-offs, God willing. However, I've learned a few things from 2008's lessons, and one of them is that this junk is out of my hands. Worrying is, well, worthless.

So, let this Friday come and go. Whatever it brings, I'm not going to lose any sleep over it, because if my God is taking care of the smallest flower in wild fields, then surely, he is going to take care of me (and you!), too.

2009-01-06T09:09:00.001-08:00

Visiting a fellow bloggers website and saw this. Thought it was interesting, so I thought I'd try it out for myself....

You Are a Life Blogger!

Your blog is the story of your life - a living diary.
If it happens, you blog it. And you make it as entertaining as possible.
You may be guilty of over-sharing a bit on your blog, but you can't help it.
Your life is truly an open book. Or in this case, an open blog!

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofbloggerareyouquiz/">What Kind of Blogger Are You?

Boredom on a Friday

2009-01-02T15:53:00.000-08:00

What's new...? I'm in the office today and I'm rather bored. The most exciting thing (or so) that occurred here was the ordering of new office supplies. Woohoo! Please.

Then of course, research. Lots and lots of research and rather important things like Brooke Fraser, Chords to Brooke Fraser songs, asking a boy to go to coffee, Blackjack accessories, Blackjacks, Threadless t-shirts, New Calendars, and whether or not we should reuse water bottles. Rather important and time consuming things, ya hear? Not to mention I went on a stroll around the Capitol. I also spent a large amount of time staring at my new 2009 Iron Man calendar, but we won't dwell too much on that. Tonight, I'm going with a few friends to see Valkyrie. I'm curious to see how it will be.

Ah, Fridays. I've got an hour and three minutes left. What to do? Great question. I think I'll start off my last hour going to the little girls room. Then, I'll clean my desk, drink some water, and stare at my calendar some more.

Have a great weekend!

It's Friday...

2009-01-02T11:58:00.000-08:00

And I don't have much to do at work. My BFF got my a LOLZCAT book for xmas and so I thought that I'd gander at one of my fave websites again to pass the time. A few that made LOLZ

more animals

and this one is for Shannon

more animals

'08

2008-12-31T08:40:00.000-08:00

Hope you're having a marvelous last day of 2008. It's been nuts for everyone...

It went kinda like this. Life's a drive. Jesus is in the seat next to ya. You're goin' along, doing your "thang" and then all of a sudden... bah-boom! Roadkill! And you didn't even see it! Yuck. Now it's all over your tire and it's possible it might stink up the car. Way to go, driver... but after your tires have ensured it's death, you can continue on with your drive. Sometimes we don't even see that bump (or roadkill. It's less cliche that way) in the road. It makes for a bumpy drive, really. But you gotta hold on and stay it's course. Not saying that next year will be roadkill-less, but that object in the road is behind you now. Thank God.

So, go enjoy your day and be safe about it too! Happy New Year and good riddance!

A Walk Through The Valley

2008-12-26T10:17:00.000-08:00

There's nothing like the holidays. From my experience, you go through every emotion during that special time. Happiness. Excitement. Loneliness. Togetherness. Anger. Frustration. And then presents. This year, I was a bit out of the season. Normally, I'm all about the Christmas music and decorations and lights that dance before your eyes. For some reason, I lost that this year. Not to mention remembering the whole meaning of Christmas, right? Jesus was born to save us! Thank God! But, it gets a little difficult sometimes to see through to the real meaning of Christmas. I get caught up. I want to get my friends and family the best gift. And, maybe, I want a good gift too...

I was blessed this Christmas by friends and family and no, I'm not ungrateful for what I got. I'm just trying to figure out the "more" of it. This is gonna be a weird blog, I think.

2008 was a rather tough year. In fact, it was probably one of the most challenging and difficult years of my life. Each month brought on different adversities. I had to learn a lot of hard lessons, some were unavoidable and some I chose to learn. It was a rather emotionally draining year. For some reason though, I'm feeling it all right now. Maybe I've put it all off until now and it's hitting me like a truck. Or maybe I'm just focusing on myself too much, I don't know. That's not to say that other people have it way worse off than me. But I'm trying to find where my disconnect is.

One of the lessons I've acquired in my "wisdom" (or lack thereof) book was that God never, ever changes. We are the ones that change. We are the ones that slap his hand and move away from him. All the while, his hand still remains stretched out. He's shown me this many times this year, especially financially. Everyone has had such a difficult time this year because of the economy. Can we say "recession"? Many people, including myself, were laid off (and might be laid off again). And, there were times when my bank account hit negative. I kept telling myself to trust God because, well, it wasn't in my hands. No, I didn't become a millionaire, but he came through. Can't even count how many times that happened. He came through on many things. Scratch that. He always comes through. On everything. It just might not be in our timing, but he does.

My pastor keeps telling us that every person needs a song. One that you can sing when all you've got left is your voice. One you can sing in the good times too. I wrote a song in January. Little did I know it would be my theme song this year, and possibly for my life. I think I've sang it a thousand times, but it never gets old because it's true.

I’ve been walking through the valley
And I don’t know where it goes
But if you promise to never leave me

Then I, I will follow,
Then I, I will follow

I have no idea where I'm going in this life or how I'm gonna get there. I'm still trying to figure out where God wants me. And, of course, being a christian doesn't protect me from adversities in this life, but it does promise that God will never, ever leave me. Even when my emotions have gone haywire and I keep forgetting him. I guess you could say I'm in my valley right now. And that there are many valleys that are gonna follow, too. But, God never changes. I need to remember that.

I'm Baaaaaaaaaack!

2008-12-08T14:27:00.001-08:00

At my state job, that is. Nothing too crazy. But seriously, I've waiting 5 and a half months for this job to be available again. Thank God he opened it up again! Whew! Anyways, this is my short intro blog to my return. More to come.

Happy Monday!

December's Quest

2008-12-01T22:45:00.001-08:00

So, you know, it's December already (dang!). What a nutty year. But that's a whole other subject to get in to on a later date.

Lately, I've just been feeling like there are a few things that I need to start doing, or quit doing. Thus, I'm using this December as the month to start (or quit) these things. For these 31 days i plan on:

1) Not cussing.

2) Exercising at least 3 times a week.

3) Read my bible everyday.

There you go, it's simple. I guess we'll see how far I get, huh? Enjoy your month, people! Christmas is almost here!

Honored

2008-11-11T13:13:00.001-08:00

Having many close loved ones in the military, and being in the military myself, I would like to say thank you and happy Veteran's Day. You can't be thanked enough. So, I'm flying my flag for you, today. Show your gratitude and go thank a veteran.

Obama, Osama, Your Mama, And A Llama

2008-11-05T15:11:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I voted for Mccain. I'm not a crazy, outwardly spoken about what I voted for, but I'll post it on here. When someone asks, I'll let them know. I don't hide it.

Back in '07 when the propoganda began I really was for Obama. I read his website and followed him a bit. Then, of course, I didn't. When I heard last night he won, I was super dissappointed. It literally almost ruined my night. However, I think I've gotten over that now. I watched Obama's acceptance speech today, he's a mighty good speaker. And, I'll say, I'm coming around. That's it. Don't ask anymore, ok? Lol! He'll be my boss soon, and he's the leader of this country. If God did not want him to be the Commander in Chief, Obama wouldn't have been elected. So, there you go. The next 4 years will be a toss-up, so either way, I'm a little excited to see how it goes. Good luck, Mr. Obama and God Bless. America isn't an easy country to run, but I have faith you can do it!

I will say, though, that he does look like President Bush, just a little darker, like the color of American soil. What?! It's true!

Old Navy

2008-11-05T11:38:00.000-08:00

I'm gonna squeeze this in because I want to post a good blog for my J.Le and also I have massive amounts of homework. There is a vast array of many subjects that I can post a blog about, but I've chose the quickest! (Future blogs: Christians and Prop 8, the election, and Rwanda)

Since September, I have the opportunity to work for my favorite clothing store, Old Navy. It has been a blast, truly. My specific job it so stock the store. It's funny, really. We generally start at 04:00 (that's 4 in the morning). This isn't so bad, except for the fact that I have to get up at 03:00 (that's 3 in the morning) which isn't so bad except for the fact that to get 8 hours of sleep, I'd need to go to bed at 19:00 (that's 7 at night). LOL it's all good, I enjoy getting done with work early. And no, I don't go to bed at 7pm. That's lame.

Okay, back to the job. I do enjoy it really. Because everyone get's up so early, we are all a little loopy. But, the people I work with are wonderful. Constantly, I'm laughing 'til my stomach hurts or I'm crying and this is all happening while I'm busting my butt trying to do a massive amount of work in such little time. Here's what I've learned from my new job: I love, love LOVE not working in retail. I miss my state job. I miss working out at the base. Oh, and a lot of patience, as well.

So, while I am looking forward with all my heart to getting my job at the state back, I'll continue to get up at o'dark thirty and have a good time at work! Whew!

the rap-up blog for october

2008-10-30T22:00:00.000-07:00

so, i haven't really blogged about anything in particular for like... months. my friend/roommate is playing my guitar (she's learning) and i'm sitting here wondering why i'm not capitalizing things i need to be capitalizing. also, i currently have the flu (lord willing, it'll be short a short bout). many things have gone on this month. i've carved pumpkins. i've been to santa barbara. i had to put down one of my dogs. i've struggled with school and with finances and with friends and made it through. i've made progress with the people around me and at work (or at least i think). and katie is still playing the guitar. lol. it's been crazy.... a crazy month indeed. oh, did i mention i moved out? well i did! so there, jennifer! a real post just for you. i have many, many lessons i've learned since like july that i guess i could write about, but at the moment i don't feel like it. but i will.... oh i will. so goodnight and happy halloween or all hallow's eve or friday or whatever.

2008-10-02T20:57:00.000-07:00

the need for a real "post". i haven't posted a real blog in so long. i know, i've been neglectful. i've paid more attention to myspace, school, my guitar, facebook, and working than my blogspot. i really have. maybe i'll work on that?

another untitled

2008-10-01T16:56:00.000-07:00

So many voices
Offering choices
But they are not you
This world’s so distracting
It conquers me
But you still reach out to me

Your words like a lighthouse
They scream and they shout
And they find me here
So far away
This distance cannot remain
I need you today
Oh I need you, I need you

Untitled (I Will Follow)

2008-09-24T21:28:00.000-07:00

Wrote this back in Febuary. Got me through some hard times... hope you likes it!

I’ve been walking for so long
Tonight it’s so cold
Don’t know where else to go
So tired of being alone

(Cuz) I’ve been walking through the valley
And I don’t know where it goes
But if you promise to never leave me then I,
I will follow,
Then I, I will follow

Life get’s so hard sometimes
But it’d be worse without you
Now that I’m walking now that I see
You are light you are truth

I will follow you (for the rest of my days)
I will follow you (singing your praise)
I will follow you (through the valley)
I will follow you (guide my way)

Woman of God

2008-09-15T22:45:00.000-07:00

What an amazing woman of God she is
Standing on that hill
Telling the world of all that Christ did
That he gave his life so she could live, so that we could live.
What an amazing woman of God.

What an amazing woman of God she is,
Struggling with all these images
And lo she walks through valleys
The Creator is who she puts her trust in
What an amazing woman of God.

What an amazing woman of God she is
Choosing the narrow road instead of sin
Keeping her oil lamp lit for when he comes back again
What an amazing woman of God.

ICR PIX

2008-09-08T22:10:00.001-07:00

Pre-Camel Races

2008-09-05T19:39:00.000-07:00

For about a week now, I've been living in excitement. Every man, woman, child, and animal I've come across I pulled them aside to let them know, to scream and jump around with joy, that I, Tara Lynn Shuster, am going to the Virginia City Camel Races, tomorrow!!!!

Actually, I have no idea how the heck it's gonna be. But I do know that it's gonna take 2 hours to travel there (it's in Nevada) and there are gonna be camels there. Oh, and possibly emus (one of my fave animals). So, I'll keep you posted. Gooooo camels! Or emus!

Schemin'

2008-09-05T00:20:00.000-07:00

Instead of dreamin
I lay here schemin’
'Bout what my next move is gonna be.

From here to there,
I scatter everywhere
Without realizing I’m destroying me.

It’s like I’m in a desert,
Though I’m not deserted
My mouth remains thirsty!

Up on that cross,

You took that loss
And I’m still knee deep.

In shame and in pain
My past haunts me again
Forgetting you gave me the sight to see.

From the east to the west
Though life keeps me stressed,
From my sins I am free.

Dial-Up (The AOL man says, "Welcome")

2008-08-23T01:10:00.000-07:00

If I could kick myself, I would. Right up the toosh for sure. I deserve it.

It is amazing to me how influential every single person can be in my life, yet I refuse to accept any of God's wisdom as my own. I'm not gonna beat around the bush here people, I'm not all that wise. When I'm quarreling or debating or even talking with someone, my responses are slow and often I think of super things to say... hours later. I wish upon all the stars I could think faster, but it never happens. So, like a slow computer hooked up to dial-up, I wait and wait and wait to be connected to some sort of wisdom, any connection, really would do.

Surely, over the years I have learned that God presents his knowledge in many ways. Through his word, my friends, my pastor, or even a song (anything really. He's used a donkey to communicate, how amazing is that?!). But, for some reason, I've forgotten to listen to any and everything. Mainly his word.

Almost prophetically, I started reading Proverbs tonight with a dear friend. It's also the same night I made a completely selfish statement to that same friend. It's called being slapped in the face by words, if I ever knew it (by Proverbs, not my friend. Though I'm sure I deserve both). Proverbs used to be my favorite book when I was just a baby christian years ago. So many verses rang and I listened and soaked them up, yet it seems like I've forgotten them. I've subjected myself to my dial-up brain and it's horrible AOL connection (God forbid someone call the same time I'm connecting, or I'd be screwed), thus creating multiple situations where I made horrible mistakes.

In my lengthy little blog, I am trying to say this: I am unwise on a daily basis. However, God plainly states in the bible that if I ask and beg and plead for his wisdom, he'll give it to me. So, God, help a sister out and hook me up with that super-fast DSL connection because I'm tired of acting like a fool.

Huh.

(That's right I just quoted the entire chapter of Proverbs 2. There's a reason why the bible is the number one selling book in all history. Take a few to read the below).

"My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure,
then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God. For the LORD gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. He holds victory in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones. Then you will understand what is right and just and fair—every good path. For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you. Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men, from men whose words are perverse, who leave the straight paths to walk in dark ways, who delight in doing wrong and rejoice in the perverseness of evil,
whose paths are crooked and who are devious in their ways. It will save you also from the adulteress, from the wayward wife with her seductive words, who has left the partner of her mouth and ignored the covenant she made before God. For her house leads down to death and her paths to the spirits of the dead. None who go to her return or attain the paths of life.
Thus you will walk in the ways of good men and keep to the paths of the righteous. For the upright will live in the land, and the blameless will remain in it; but the wicked will be cut off from the land, and the unfaithful will be torn from it." Proverbs 2

And go...

2008-08-05T21:37:00.000-07:00

You know, lately, my passions and concerns have involved nothing else but myself and how I'm gonna make my next car payment. Which I guess is normal for people my age or anyone else in my country. Or I choose to be amped up about things that really amount to nothing in the end. Sometimes I forget that I'm not the only person on this planet and how other's are in far more need than I. Sometimes, I need a little reminder, ya know? While my friend was napping, I was watching this awesome documentary called "Darfur Now." It was really an educational few hours, so you should peep it if you have the chance. As the camera was rolling on the hundreds of thousands displaced all because of their ethnicity in Sudan, the thought kept creeping in my head like this "Hey, you! See how much stuff they DON'T have? And yet, they are just grateful to have their lives and hopeful for the help to come. But you? You have all this stuff and you are still unhappy, what's up with that dog?" No really, that's how it really went on in my head (I know, I talk to myself...).

Huh, thanks for that reminder, God. Please pray for Darfur, please.

(I've posted the lyrics to a song by Hillsong United called "Solution." It's our duty as God's people to get up and do something... and I think this song says it way better than I could)

it is not a human right to stare, not fight
while broken nations dream
open up our eyes so blind that we might find
the mercy for the need

hey now!
fill our hearts with Your compassion
hey now!
as we hold to our confession

it is not too far a cry, too much to try
to help the least of these
Politics will not decide if we should rise
and be Your hands and feet
whoa oh oh
God be the solution
whoa oh oh
we will be your hands and be Your feet

higher than all circumstance You promised then
Your love for all to see
higher than our protest lines and dollar signs
Your love is all we need
only You can mend the broken heart
and cause the blind to see
Your grace completes the sinners path
and set the captives free
only You can take the widow's cry
and cause her heart to sing
be the father to the fatherless
our Savior and our King

we will run
we will run
we will run with the solution

It's Been A Minute...

2008-08-04T09:28:00.000-07:00

Since I've hit my poor blog. Things really have been crazy since summer started. You know, I've really been all over the place, too. But here I am, paying attention to my blog! Wahoo!

Over the past week, I've travelled down to southern Cali to spend a few days @ my future base, March ARB. April was the last time I've actually touched my aircraft, so I was happy to get my hands and uniform dirty again. I'll be down at the base permanently in October. I also discovered I'll be deploying late next spring overseas, location is still unknown, but I'm ok with that.

And thanks to Mr. Arnold, I was one of the lucky chosen in California to get terminated (thanks, Terminator). Thousands of student assistants were laid off last Thursday. While I'm one of the lucky few to have a second job, I hope this mess gets taken care of soon.

Other than that, I'm sitting here lazily enjoying my summer today. What have you done this summer? Hope it's exciting! Hopefully I'll write more interesting blogs in the days to come, huh?

Fridays

2008-07-11T08:55:00.000-07:00

Today is going to be anti-productive because I'm really in La La Land now, but I'm not too worried about it...

This week is quite possibly the longest week of my life and today and tomorrow seem as if they will be in the same character as the rest of their fellow days. But, I'm listening to John Mayer on repeat, so it's all good. Have a great/restful flight home, Shan! Crickey!

Fried Raviolis, Because Laughter Really Is That Good

2008-07-10T01:24:00.001-07:00

Today, my friend Julie and I decided it would be good to dine at Club Pheasant (the eldest restaurant in West Sacramento, also he most expensive). Trust me, this was the best idea we both had in a long time.

After ordering an array of food (fried raviolis and zucchini) and drinks (ice tea and diet cherry coke) we had a grand time talking about the many going-ons in our lives. Soon our luxurious food came and we quickly stuffed food into our faces. Julie informed me that there was this sauce that came with the raviolis that was particularly spicy and that I was to remain away from it at all costs. Me, being the daredevil I am, decided to dip the entire ravioli into the spicy, yellow, unknown sauce and place the food into my mouth. However, to my utter surprise, I discovered that this truly was a hot sauce not to be contended with (wasabi, methinks) and came to a disposition: to spit it out or not to spit it out. So there we sat, no longer laughing, but wheezing, and I drooling with ravioli hanging out of my mouth. At the point when my tongue turned numb, I decided to disregard all manners and spat that fat piece of hotness out into my salad bowl. Laughing uncontrollably now in the quiet restaurant, I continued to drool onto my placemat and sip down large amounts of my diet cherry coke while crying tears of joy and gasping for sweet air.

After firmly telling Julie that I would not take a picture with Mrs. Palmidessi's (sp) portrait, we proceeded to the exit. I caught eyes with a fine looking gentleman and realized that I had seen this man before. Searching my 3 brain cells, I could not remember who he was and decided that I must have attended school with him. After we made eye contact, I gave him a nod and a smile and he did the same. Walking out the double doors, I realized that I just nodded at Mr. Bobby Jackson himself.

The night was truly astonishing and joyful. I haven't laughed that hard in a few weeks and I really needed it. So, today was a good day. Even if my tongue is still somewhat numb.

Fire

2008-07-09T13:29:00.000-07:00

Well, I live in the sunny sunshine state of California. It's a state after my own heart. It's so sunny, in fact, that we have a bugazillion fires a year. This year is pretty bad. This week is pretty bad. I haven't been able to run all week so today, in defiance, I decided to take a walk at lunch. I wondered at the hazy sky and gazed at the smoke filled street as I frolicked down the empty sidewalk. At first, the journey wasn't so bad. Until smoke filled my lungs and burned my nostrils and stung my eyes. Now, my chest hurts. Oh sunny Cali. Shooit. Hope you're enjoying your summer, too.

Late Night Nothings

2008-07-06T23:11:00.000-07:00

I've got a strong urge to write tonight at 23:12 on this Sunday evening. But really, I have no idea what I want to write about so excuse my nothingness here. I'm kinda in a funk but I'd blame it on the lack of allergy medicine and fading jetlag. Not too many things are running through my head at the moment, just enough to keep me up. I'm going back to work tomorrow and am not so sure how I feel about it. It's a job, of course, but I know I definitely need to get a new/another one soon. The possibility of moving out this fall is becoming more lucid as do my doubts and fears about everything that is to come. Sometimes I wish I had a plan set out before me describing every move I'm going to make because it sucks to not know where I'm supposed to go or what I'm supposed to do. But, of course, that aspect of life was never mine to pick and choose anyways (oh hai God). At my church we had Vacation Bible School (VBS). I was in charge of the 1st graders. Those little boogers always melt my heart. Our lesson, which is always a perfect one to remember but easy to forget was "Always be thankful." Whether my life is hazy or clear skies, I need to remember this for sure. Shooit.

William Fitzsimmons is currently my background noise. He's currently touring with Brooke Fraser this summer. His music is super folky but well written and very unique. Ideal for some music that will let you slow down and think about life. Perfect, I guess, for my state of mind. Go check him out.

jetlag and fireworks

2008-07-04T14:54:00.000-07:00

Well, it's my second day back in the states and I'm pretty much oober jetlagged. I had a super awesome time in Oz and miss it. For shiz I'm gonna go back. I'll write more later, but I just wanted to say hope y'all have a great Fourth of July!!!

ps
Check this chick out, Chaya. Her voice is amazing and her songs are kind of kick back.
http://www.myspace.com/chayamusic

Koalas, Brekkie, Kangaroos, Sharks, Hot Boys, "Crickeys," Shannon, and Everything Else (and Possibly Giraffes)

2008-06-17T16:07:00.000-07:00

You know, it’s been 5 long months since I’ve seen Shannon. And in those 5 months, I have heard many glorious things about Australia and its people. I have pondered those things as well, and have just been blown away. Sunday, I get the privilege of flying across the Pacific to see my dear friend, as well as the beautiful country she’s lived in. In my anxiousness and anticipation, I have come up with a “To-Do” list that I would like to complete in my 8ish days that I’m there. I shall share a few of these things with you, because I can.

1) Visit the “Post.” Australia’s post office…you better believe...
2) Just sit there in amazement at the Australian accent. I think it will take me about 2.7 days to get out of the “accent daze”. I’ll keep you informed.
3) Soak up the sun even though it’s winter.
4) Oogle some hawt boys even though most of them are jerks.
5) Purchase a wombat-fur jacket from a poacher.
6) Eat some Tim Tams. I first heard about these from Krystle, so I’ve been hearing about them for like a year now. It’s about time I try them for sure.
7) Flag a bus down
8) Find out why Shannon is calling dinner “supper” now…
9) Hear someone say, “crickey!”
10) Show off my tan but except the fact that I will never be darker than Shannon. (This is a huge step in my life, people. Extensive therapy has brought me to this point. Feet! Don’t fail me now!)
11) Eat breakfast and call it “brekkie”.
12) Visit Hut-Ville. Because of Shannon’s location in Western Australia, her “house” is really just a mud hut. However, over time they have incorporated electrical, air-conditioning, carpet, and even wireless internet. It’s like the 9th World Wonder.
13) Have a boxing match with a kangaroo.
14) Go to the beach and pretend-tan (oh hai winter time).
15) Freaking relax. For shiz, it’s about time to do this… Aussie style.
16) Cool off while relaxing, cuz it’s getting hot over hur…
17) Smuggle back a baby koala because those things are HECKZA cute and then sell it on EBay.
18) This one is for Katie: find proof that the Giraffe really did originate in Australia. I think there will be explicit evidence in Perth...

Ok, I can’t think of anything else. Maybe you’ll have some suggestions?

P.S. I was only kidding about the wombat fur jacket guys, I’m not that evil. But I hear that they do make great slippers...
P.S.S. I’m not going to smuggle back a baby koala and sell it on eBay, I just can’t do it because of it’s immorality people.

**Update: I have been asked what the 8th world wonder is. Silly Shannon, the 8th world wonder is me!***

Being Young and Stupid, Again

2008-06-16T16:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Father's day. I have the privilege of having 2 dad's, both unique in their own way. Both have helped me get along in this life. I love them so much!

We went to my uncle's yesterday. It was amazing. The weather was about 95 and my uncle has this glorious pool. My two cousins and I, whom I hardly get to see anymore, were like 3 waterlilies out there, amazing. The best part about it, was that my mom and aunts and all my fam were sitting around the pool, having a good time. And just while everyone was enjoying their hard liquor, my cousins and I cannon-balled the crap out of them! Muahahha! Yep, of course my moms was upset, but c'mon, can't we be kids again? I mean, really, who's gonna spank a 21 year old? So, there we were, us big kids just having a dandy-old time. That needs to happen more, I think. Routine sucks.

So, happy Father's day to myself, the #1 grandpa. And of course, all those people who are really fathers!

That's Right, Son!

2008-06-16T15:15:00.001-07:00

As of late, my blogging capabilities have gone kaputz. But, have no fear! I will think of something intelligent to say in one of my blogs eventually. It just might not be this one.

I have learned a few lessons in the past few weeks that I have come to embrace (and change, if it is possible. If it is not, than I'll just embrace, mmk?)

1) Time moves slow when you don't want it to
2) Time moves hecka fast even though it feels like time moves slow when you don't want it to
3) I have been coveting any new Ibanez or Epiphone acoustic electric guitar under the excuse that I need a new one.
4) I learned this lesson Saturday, of which I choose not to write it, however I would like to express that it was very convenient (that's right, Shannon, I can exercise modesty. Like this much: "-".
5) Moving out is inevitable. My parent's drive me nuts.
6) Getting a full time job with beni's while finishing up school is also inevitable because of the above inevitable.
7) I really like Mini Coopers now
8) When you give God chance to give you the strength you need, he will.
9) Prayer works.
9.5) I have become to comfortable with being comfortable in my faith. Time to step it up, yeah?
10) I'm so excited about leaving for Australia that I'm going to pee my pants.

I like to make lists people, it's very exciting. I promise I'll come up with a blog that is invigorating and breath taking. You just wait!

I'm Proud, Too

2008-06-10T16:26:00.000-07:00

Something out of the normal happened today. As I got off the bus today, one of my bus-buddies said right away, “I just wanted to thank you for being a reservist.” It kind of took me off guard, but I was a little excited because I don’t here this much. Heck, I mean, I only do my thing with the Air Force one weekend a month anyways, so sometimes it’s hard to remember that I am actually in the military. For me, it’s the guys who are enlisted or deployed that are the reals heroes.

This lady’s comment reminded me of something though: how very proud I am to be in the military. It means a lot to me, even though I hardly think about it. The amount of respect I have for those who have been, are, or will be involved in any branch of service is to the extreme, almost. And the amount of disgust I get when people disrespect those who have been, are, or will be in the military is almost just the same. It is very easy to forget the men and women who have died or served to ensure America’s freedom and safety, just the same as it is easy to forget that Jesus put himself on that cross (Jesus, of course, being the most important of the two).

So, yeah, maybe I’m biting off of Shannon’s blog, but you know. Heck yes I’m proud to be an American (freaking a! Now I have that song stuck in my head!). And you should be too. We are a blessed bunch who have an overflow of abundance. Thank God for that.

Kung Fu Panda and Zohan... Oh Yeah!

2008-06-10T13:23:00.000-07:00

This weekend, I had the pleasure of seeing two of the better movies of this year! Kung Fu Panda and Don't Mess With The Zohan. I know, I know! One's a kid's movie and the other had Adam Sandler, but really, I was laughing hysterically during both.

Panda had an awesome plot and was just hilarious. When I got out of this movie, I wanted to run around the mall saying "kee-ya!" and showing the whole world I know how to "fight" too! It took me back to when I was 6. But, you know, I held it in.

Zohan had so many taglines, I can't even remember them. However, I do remember that he said "schnitzel" quite frequently. I'd put it up there with Anchorman (yes, that's how much I loved it, Shannon).

So, if you're thinking about seeing either, they are totally worth it!